So, this is my first post in quite a while. Sorry for the break, but the title says it all . . . I finished my summer (and early fall, I guess) having lots of fun! Flashback to my drinking days, and that seemed impossible. Sure, I had moments that were fun, but they were few and short-lived. See, inevitably (in the truest sense of the word), the good moments in my world were cut short by thoughts of how much I'd had to drink, how much more I could get away with, and, if alcohol wasn't readily available, from where I was going to get my next drink. Add to that the marital strife and overall angst caused by my disease, and, well, the fun didn't last long.
By the end of my drinking days, not only was life not fun, but I'd lost my grasp of the concept. Even days, events, etc. that I KNEW I should be looking forward to, I didn't. It was shocking to realize that I really didn't look forward to anything in life. I was so numb that I was just going through the motions trying to get through each day and get to each next drink.
All that, and here I am in the present writing about another of the great gifts sobriety has returned to me . . . fun! When people with substance use disorder are asked if they still have a social life, if they still do things they used to do (because a social life without alcohol is so foreign to most adults), you'll hear many (including this one!) answer, "I didn't get sober to be miserable!" Recovery is all about ending the misery.
Since you've last heard from me, I've been on the water, sailing and pulling my kids around
in a tube. I've been to baseball games. I've been to concerts (vax cards required). I've been to a football game. And I've had a great time at all of them, and all without drinking.
The most wonderful part of all of it has been the time I've spent with my family on the water. Was it perfect? Hell, no! We've got 12- and 8-year-old daughters. But it was great nonetheless. It at least went well enough that we look forward to doing more of it, and we invested in that part of our life. At the end of my drinking, I didn't know if I could actually do enough to save my family, let alone for us to be making mutual decisions to invest in the future of our family. What a gift!
That said, in recovery, especially in early recovery, it's a good idea to have a plan for your fun. Following is not a prescription but some ideas for steps you can take to safeguard your recovery while doing things that may present some risks:
"Play the tape forward" before you go. Make sure it's fresh in your mind what happens when you use your substance of choice, not right now, but when it ends, if it does.
If you're concerned about what you'll have to drink wherever you're headed, bring your own favorite beverage (if possible, of course). You'll be more comfortable drinking what you want while everyone else is drinking what they want.
Have an exit plan. If you're concerned about having a hard time being around people that are drinking, using, partying, etc., bring your own car so you can leave early if you want, or just be prepared to take a walk. Many times cravings or urges are short-lived. "Move a muscle, change a thought." In baseball terminology, "Sometimes you just have to step out of the box." A 10-minute walk will likely do you wonders, and, if not, you can just get in that car you brought for yourself, call an Uber, whatever you need to do to remove yourself from the situation.
Tell people in your support network what's up, where you're going, what it'll be like, who'll be there, etc. You can tell them you're worried about drinking/using or not. Either way, they'll understand and you'll establish some accountability for yourself. It's remarkable what a sense of relief telling on yourself in advance can provide.
A quote I've seen a lot is, "If you're not happy in recovery, you're doing it wrong," and I tend to agree with it. That doesn't mean sobriety has been all rainbows and unicorns. Of course not. This isn't a fairy tale. It's my life, which includes Lyme disease, a blown knee, bills, and all the trials and tribulations that go with raising tween daughters (shudder), but it's my life in recovery, and it's so much better than the life I left behind. I'm having fun!
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