I have said many times that my two biggest issues are not admitting my flaws and not asking for help. Of course, those are just manifestations of the real underlying causes -- my pride and my ego. Everyone has the right to be proud of real accomplishments, but when it comes to substance use disorder, pride and ego often stand in our way.
I'm just going to use myself as an example here, and I will likely still have to cut myself short in order for this not to come in as the world's longest blog post. How did pride and ego contribute to my disease? Let me count the ways . . .
The most obvious answer, going back to the opening paragraph, is that, even once I was willing to admit to myself that I had issues with alcohol, it took me a very long time to admit it to anyone else. Of course, that someone else was my wife, and she didn't need me to admit it! She saw it every day, and, being the very supportive spouse that she is, she tried to help. Back again to paragraph one . . . I didn't need anyone's help! Never did. Or, at least I was too proud to admit it.
Even when I did FINALLY agree to get some help, my pride and ego got in the way. After being sober for just a couple of months, I found that it wasn't that hard for me not to drink. My ego told me I must be different from everyone else who had ever had a problem with alcohol. I had a case of near terminal uniqueness. If it wasn't that hard not to drink at all, why couldn't I just go back to drinking normally, socially, like everyone else? In sober circles, it's known as "I got this." So I tried, and, in no time, the wheels were off again.
Even THEN, my pride told me I didn't need help, that I could stop on my own. I read articles on how to ween myself off alcohol on my own. I didn't need support. I could do this! Yet again, my pride was in the way of my recovery. It wasn't until I finally swallowed my pride and accepted the help I was offered, not until I finally listened to what people who were trying to help told me to do and did it, that my life became exponentially better. Yours can too.
Substance use disorder is a disease. There is no shame in it. You wouldn't be ashamed to accept treatment if you had cancer, or diabetes, or arthritis. In recent years society has shifted, reducing the stigma associated with substance use disorder, but, sadly it does exist. THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU NEED TO FEEL SHAME.
I finally put my pride and ego aside. I accepted my diagnosis, I got on a regimen of recovery, and NOW I can take pride in my recovery, in the improvements in my relationships with my family and friends, and in the work that I do.
None of that could have happened with my pride and ego standing in the way.
-Chappy
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