"If you were a kid, would you look up to you?"
At that moment, I started crying in a room full of grown men I'd known for a day and a half. I told them I didn't know if my kids looked up to me, I didn't know why they would, but that I was going to work from that moment on to become someone my kids could respect, and, hopefully, someday, they would. At that moment, I knew I could never take another drink.
The video below represents one of the most important and powerful moments in my early recovery. You may already know the story of Chris Herren, college basketball phenom and washed-out NBA star. It's been the subject of a documentary and an ESPN 30 for 30, but his story told in less than 16.5 minutes in this TedX at UMass Amherst from 2013, was a seminal moment in my understanding of substance use disorder (SUD) as a family disease.
SUD is a selfish disease. People with SUD become so beholden to their substance or substances of choice that, when we're actively using, we don't see the impact we're having on those around us. We just need to get to that next drink, fix, whatever. If you've read other posts, you may have noticed that I mention my family a lot. The most important thing we do in recovery is fix relationships. I had to remember that I have to be a parent my beautiful daughters can look up to. So, please watch the most powerful 16.5 minutes in my recovery. And if you have a problem getting over the question, "If you were a kid, would you look up to you?", please seek help, whether that's with me or somewhere else, because your family needs you.
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